Things would not have come to such an end if only the interpersonal conflict was resolved…

“Who the hell was that guy touching you just now?” Alan bawled out at Belinda, his girlfriend of two years. His voice could be heard even though I was distance away and we were in a noise-filled cheerleading competition ground. As I was approaching them, Alan’s face was fuming red while Belinda was trying hard to control her emotions. Yet, tears involuntarily rolled down her cheeks. He scolded her incessantly, without providing her any chance to rebuke or speak up for herself.

Everything was perfect about this couple except that Alan was not comfortable with Belinda’s participation in cheerleading. Cheerleading was Belinda’s passion at that time but Alan detested the idea of his girlfriend being touched by another guy. Apparently, Belinda was happily giving her best for this competition. However, a guy in her group accidentally groped her breasts during the competition. Alan witnessed it and took it with offence.

“Calm down dude, it probably was an accident. Don’t be so harsh on her.”, I said. I tried to mediate matters but was ticked off by Alan for being a busybody as he pushed me off forcefully with his body weight. Male egoism took over me as I hurled vulgarities at him for laying his fingers on me. I walked off furiously with a middle finger pointed at him.

After a week, news of Alan and Belinda’s breakup reached my ears.

Words should never be sprouted out in a fit of anger. However, are there ways to prevent or rationally resolve conflicts? If yes, what would you have done under such a circumstance?

What communication was like for me when I was shunned for my zero appeal appearance

I mentioned in my previous blog about how obesity deprived me of friends and confidence to converse with others. It was because of my puffy figure that made others thought of me as the ‘Stay Puft Marshmallow Man’ in ‘Ghostbusters’. Moreover, many could not communicate with me when I simply kept quiet most of the time. Empathy and vivid re-enactment for those with a similar past of mine, but for the others that grew up in style and were well-liked by many, ever wonder what life is like as an ugly duckling?

I was a mere 1.4 metres tall boy with a weight of 60 kilograms, which I am also weighing at the present moment. Even joining the Trim-and-fit club, a compulsory programme for obese children to exercise and eat healthily, did not help much as I grew larger everyday. In the end, I was asked to leave the club because mine was labeled as an unsalvageable case. Since I did not look as average-sized as my peers, I felt alienated and wanted to be solemn. The only friend I made, still my current best friend, was a boy that sat beside me for the whole 6 years of my primary school life. I felt that I was in my comfort zone only when I was with him. Anyone else would pose a ‘threat’ to me such that I would not feel comfortable talking or even looking at him/her in his/her eyes. Most of the time, my communication with others was either a short phrase or a nod for acknowledgement. At that time, handphones were not common for schoolchildren till I was in Secondary 4 and the Internet was not as accessible as now. Thus, my opportunity to reach out to others beyond my comfort zone was virtually ‘mission impossible’ and I felt helpless about it.

How it all started and why the need for effective communication

When I was an adolescent, I could not make any friends due to obesity and feared in engaging conversations with strangers. People either shunned me for my appearance or gave up trying to communicate with me. As I progressed on to secondary school, health-consciousness kicked in and I underwent intensive diet cum exercise regimes. An improved outlook managed to confer me with larger and more social circles. However, the early problem of conversing with strangers still posed some uneasiness to me as I continued to flinch while communicating with people. This obstacle persisted till my Junior College period, when an incident gave me a wake-up call pertaining to my inability to communicate with others.

Being the pioneer batch of Junior College students to embark on the Project Work programme, the main emphasis was on the PowerPoint and oral presentation. After months of preparation, the finale had finally arrived. In a team of five, after my peers finished their presentation, I presented the conclusion of the project. However, due to my anxiety, my body was as stiff as a rod and my speech was periodically stumped. The atmosphere was tense and at that point of time, I knew that I had implicated my team. The expressions on the examiners’ faces displayed their dissatisfaction and there was no applause from anyone after my sloppy performance.

Ever since then, communication became an essential tool for me to express my ideas and feelings. Through the hard way, I learnt that body language plays an important part in conveying my message or emotions. My message to my targeted audience is now clearer and they can grasp the gist of my intention. Moreover, the art of communication bestowed me the confidence of others and a fair maiden’s heart.

*Under Construction*

This baby was born about 5minutes ago. Give it some time before it flourishes into a well-grown chill-out corner for anyone under the sun that will be interested in the topics discussed. Thank you for your co-operation and patience.