“Who the hell was that guy touching you just now?” Alan bawled out at Belinda, his girlfriend of two years. His voice could be heard even though I was distance away and we were in a noise-filled cheerleading competition ground. As I was approaching them, Alan’s face was fuming red while Belinda was trying hard to control her emotions. Yet, tears involuntarily rolled down her cheeks. He scolded her incessantly, without providing her any chance to rebuke or speak up for herself.
Everything was perfect about this couple except that Alan was not comfortable with Belinda’s participation in cheerleading. Cheerleading was Belinda’s passion at that time but Alan detested the idea of his girlfriend being touched by another guy. Apparently, Belinda was happily giving her best for this competition. However, a guy in her group accidentally groped her breasts during the competition. Alan witnessed it and took it with offence.
“Calm down dude, it probably was an accident. Don’t be so harsh on her.”, I said. I tried to mediate matters but was ticked off by Alan for being a busybody as he pushed me off forcefully with his body weight. Male egoism took over me as I hurled vulgarities at him for laying his fingers on me. I walked off furiously with a middle finger pointed at him.
After a week, news of Alan and Belinda’s breakup reached my ears.
Words should never be sprouted out in a fit of anger. However, are there ways to prevent or rationally resolve conflicts? If yes, what would you have done under such a circumstance?
Was this a real life incident? haha!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I think you have done the right thing in trying to mediate matters as a friend initially. However, given Alan's offensive actions, I feel that you should not have immediately taken offense and hurl vulgarities. A male's ego is a very powerful thing. Instead, you could probably walk away from him for a while and cool down first! (That's what I usually do when I get angry)
On Alan's part, I feel that it was wrong of him to confront his girlfriend directly in this matter! Most importantly, it was a pure accident and she did not force the guy's hands upon her! If I were Alan, I would most probably talked to my friends about it first and hear what they say. Usually, outsiders would see the picture better and clearer! After that, I would ask Belinda what that guy was doing in a composed manner. Most likely, Belinda would explain that it was merely an accident!
Having said that, I feel that both of them should have settled their different opinions about cheerleading earlier! Alan should have accepted Belinda's passion for cheerleading and understand that cheerleading is not about having physical touches with the opposite sex. It is an art! If Belinda is passionate about it, he should support her as a boyfriend!
I think Alan was just too protective of her girlfriend to the extent of becoming vulnerable himself. If hand or waist-touching was considered detestable, this guy was probably a whisker away from catapulting through the stadium roof when the breast-groping occurred. Belinda was focusing on the competition and the accident was beyond her control. What girls in their right mind would want that to happen? Alan should be more understanding by comforting her instead of adding to her distress. A breakup is probably not so bad an option considering the fact that it would be unfair for Belinda to be someone she's not and give up her passion just to please Alan.
ReplyDeleteAs for you, Ivan, I applaud your effort in trying to prevent a scene but it is a sad fact that the road to hell is paved with some of the best intentions. And on a not so serious note, you might want to consider anger management class:)
First and foremost, I would have to agree with Sarah that Alan should not have confronted and shouted at Belinda so publicly. Such an act indicates that he either has low EQ or that he simply does not respect his girlfriend. This is made worse by the fact that Belinda had just finished an important and tiring competition after practicing hard for it and Alan should have been encouraging and praising her for her hard work.
ReplyDeleteYes, I understand that Alan might have been possesive of her or that he was feeling vulnerable. However, he should have taken a step back to look at his feelings, realise that blowing up at her would only cause tensions in their relationship and control himself instead of impulsively acting on his emotions. Instead, he could have suggested discussing it at a more private place. This would also have given him time to cool down and think clearly.
I feel that are ways to prevent or resolve such conflicts. The common aspects running throught these various ways is that the persons involved must be sensitive of each other's feelings in their speech. Not only that, they should walk in each other's mocassins (in other words, shoes), to try to understand the other person's viewpoint.
If faced with a similar situation, I would definitely be hurt by Alan's ticking off. However, I might consider that it is a rash act and that he did not really mean it. How I would react to the couple would depend on how close I am to them. What's important is to remain calm while helping to mediate and not to take any of Alan's insults personally.
I like your story, Ivan. I can't tell: Is it true?
-Abigail
A guy's point of view...
ReplyDeleteI felt that Alan's reaction was quite understandable. If he did not care, he would not be bothered with who is touching/groping Belinda. However, he should have asked in a softer and concerned tone rather than confronting Belinda in the public. He should have exerted more control over his emotions and be sensitive to Belinda instead of embarrassing her like that. (In fact, i thought he should be confronting that guy for groping instead.)
Personally, i would not approach Alan like you did. This is a rather sensitive issue which i felt that comments/remarks from a third party would not help the situation.
Although most would say that Alan should be supportive of Belinda but i feel that Belinda should find a balance between her passion and Alan. It may be cruel for Belinda but she has to prioritize between her passion and Alan. Her actions does not only affect her life but Alan too. It takes both hands to clap and she cannot expect Alan to be accommodating all the time while she pursue her passion. There has to be a balance between the both of them.
How would Alan feel if the person most important to him does not regard him to be as important as her passion?
One interesting question: How would girls feel if they had a cheerleader boyfriend who touches every other female cheerleaders?
- Chee Siang
Grope does not sound accidental to me though.
Wow! That incident certainly spiraled out of control. Thanks for relating it, Ivan. You do a good job presenting the scenario, describing the people involved and the course of events. I only have a question about this statement:
ReplyDeleteYou write: I tried to mediate matters but was ticked off by Alan for being a busybody as he pushed me off forcefully with his body weight.
Who ticked off whom? (You can always edit it to make it clearer.)
Thanks, man!
A clarification to everyone: This story is semi-true, which means that I have added some spice into the story, but overall the context of the story is the same as reality. However, I would like to thank everyone for your precious comments on how I can strive to make things work out better, especially the part when 'I' hurled vulgarities at Alan like nobody's business. Nonetheless, thanks for the advice!
ReplyDeleteB.B Sensei: Alan ticked me off, scolding me for being a busybody. I will try to work on this statement. Thanks!